Courtroom Humor (from Internet)
| How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision? |
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Mr. Clark, you went
on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? I went to Europe, sir And did you take your young wife? |
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| The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? |
| Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? |
| Was that the same nose you broke as a child? |
| Were you alone or by yourself? |
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Can you describe the
individual? He was about medium height and had a beard. Was this a male or female? |
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I will show you
Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. That's me. Were you present when that picture was taken? Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? |
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Now, Mrs. Johnson,
how was your first marriage terminated? By death. And by whose death was it terminated? |
| How many times have you committed suicide? 4 times. |
| So you were gone until you returned? |
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She had three
children, right? Yes. How many were boys? None. Were there girls? |
| You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? |
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You say that the
stairs went down to the basement? Yes. And these stairs, did they go up also? |
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Lawyer: What device
do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content? I have a
dual column gas chromatograph, Hewlett-Packard 570A with flame ionization
detectors. Judge: Can you get that on mag wheels? Only on the floor models. |
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Have you lived in
this town all your life? Not yet. |
| All
you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to? Oral. |
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Are you qualified to
give a urine sample? Yes, I have been since early childhood. |
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Doctor, how many
autopsies have you performed on dead people? All my autopsies are performed on dead people. |
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Do you recall
approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown? It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct? No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! |
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What is your
brother-in-law's name? A. Borofkin. Q. What's his first name?> A. I can't remember. Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name? A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name! |
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Q. Did you ever stay
all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? A. No. |
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Q. Doctor, did you
say he was shot in the woods? No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. |
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Q. What is your name? A. Ernestine McDowell. Q. And what is your marital status? A. Fair. |
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Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. |
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Q. Were you
acquainted with the deceased?>
A. Yes, sir. Q. Before or after he died? |
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Q. Mrs. Jones, is
your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney? A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work. |
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Q. Did you tell your
lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities? He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture. |
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Q. The truth of the
matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You
too were shot in the fracas?
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. |
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